: Establishing a social circle for a promiscuous character I am developing a college-age female character and think that there may be a contradiction. This is an important secondary character, a

In my personal experience, there is a night-and-day difference in a friend who sleeps around, and a friend who sleeps with your boyfriend.

Since everyone is college-age they will have ingrained opinions that don't align with their actions, and liberal platitudes can change abruptly when an issue effects them personally. Experience, and reactions, will not be evenly distributed.

Give the characters the depth to have an opinion that they later need to unpack and examine. If you are debating something as a writer put the debate into the mouths of characters, but also stir it up by sometimes making the characters think differently from how they behave. Characters are fallible, and not everyone gets a satisfying character arc where they fix their emotional baggage.

I'll end with an anecdote. I had an always-around friend who made a play for my boyfriend, who was flattered and interested. I was hurt, but (reverse psychology) I told him that if he preferred her he should go be with her and that ended it.

But from that day on, my best friend called her no other name than "Boyfriend Stealer" no matter who was around or what the conversation, that woman's name was "Boyfriend Stealer". That wasn't how I felt since she hadn't actually stolen my boyfriend – it was emotionally complicated and I distanced myself from her – but it was amusing that my best friend had such a strong reaction. Like it was the only important thing to know about that woman. It became her name.

Month's later, the same woman stole my roommate's boyfriend.

We had 3 different reactions. My best friend heard about it and was immediately sounding the alarm, shouting it to everyone she knew. I thought I was liberal-minded about open and extended sexual relationships, but when it happened to me I didn't care for it at all. I wasn't exactly wounded, but I had to accept that in practice my boundaries were a lot different than in theory. Meanwhile, my roommate had heard the literal warning calls, saw it (almost) happen to me, and still kept the woman in a very intimate circle, going on 3-way movie and dinner dates. She was completely surprised when it happened to her.

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EDIT: Very sorry: I didn't put on my reading glasses and really messed up who commented what. Let me rephrase a few things...

Personally, I think Amadeus's answer is spot on, but my comment was getting too long so I decided to put it up as an answer.

As a female who's been to college (though not in the US), I can tell you that a girl who likes to have one night flings will have some people call her a slut and some people not caring about it in the least. Those who think she's a slut, will avoid her altogether; the rest won't let it impact the way they socialise.

Some of her friends might caution her against some guys or being too free, that 'traditional' guys think of such women as yadda yadda, but they won't shun her for it. Other friends might envy her bravery and wish they had the guts to pick up guys and to hell with the mores. I mean, sometimes, a girl just wants a quick physical connection and that's it. Just like any guy. Unfortunately, we have a lot of baggage holding us back from doing it. It takes courage.

Now if she goes to dating one guy and still fools around, or if she's dating two guys at the same time, then everyone would call her a slut. Some of her friends might call her on it, some might distance themselves and avoid her as a way of protesting the behaviour. Some might warn the guy or the guy's friends (especially if they know the involved ones personally).

For most people I know 'promiscuous' is a polite word for slut, by the way.

Having read the comments above...

It is a sexist plot device...

Ok, so the circles she moves in are going to judge her badly for it. Will the narrator be judging her too?

...it suggests a girl wouldn't sleep with more than one guy unless she is literally mentally impaired.

I'd feel more comfortable saying this particular girl wouldn't do it unless. Because it's ok: some women really wouldn't dare to fool around, for as long as it isn't about any girl. Maybe it's a question of 'alcoholic courage'. Some need it just to start a conversation.

On the other hand, remember that even in societies where honour killings happen, you'll have girls and women going over the line. At the risk of their lives! And they are not impaired. They are either adrenaline junkies (that could be called a kind of impairment, ok) or they make a cold-headed choice to try and live their lives to the utmost and it's worth the risk for them.

I just can't avoid thinking that she would be inevitably crossing paths with some of her friends' boyfriends.

From my experience, you can go two ways (I'm over-simplifying by the way):

a) She's a man-eater and will bang anything with male genitalia. Yeah, no female friend of hers is going to let her set eyes on their boyfriends. Come to think of it, she probably doesn't have many female friends. She'll have 'followers' and 'minnions' because this is the bitchy power-house type who wants the world to bend over and she will surround herself with 'friends' willing to 'worship' her and her awsomeness.

b) She sleeps with the guy she chooses. She may have more or fewer pre-requisites, whether it's about looks or how they dance, how entertaining they are... maybe she really only wants those that look like they know how to show a girl a good time. Anyway, she won't bed just anyone; she chooses them. If her friends see her as an honest person, they know she won't be tripping their boyfriends. Except, of course, that friend who's really insecure, or that other one who's jealous.

Look, I don't want to be rude or anything, but... anyone that says that a girl, in the sense of any girl, wouldn't sleep around unless she'd lost her mind for whatever reason (alcohol, drugs, out of hand infatuation, whatever!), has no idea what girls and women in general feel like. I'm not saying there aren't girls and women who would never, ever do it, but there are plenty who don't do it simply because of societal judgement.

And then there are those brave souls who don't give a **** about the social mores and follow their sex needs. Because, believe me, they do lose friends, their families may shun them, they do risk their jobs (in some cases), ...

So, if the reason why that particular character would only sleep around if she were drunk is because of social mores... she'd be waking up the next day feeling guilty and humilliated by herself and would be swearing off alcohol, probably calling her best friends for some support. It would also mean that she'd have an addiction to alcohol, since she'd be doing it again and again.

And if she's hitting on ber friends' boyfriends, then she'd really be feeling like absolute shameless rubbish.

Or, she really wants to do it but can only free herself of the 'baggage' through alcohol. In that case, drinking wouldn't be an addiction but a... 'pick up technique', at least in her eyes.

However, this raises a question: does she need to be impaired in order to overcome her conditioning that sex is bad? Then she's still going to wake up feeling guilty and ashamed of herself. If anyone calls her a slut (even in other words) she'll agree and feel like rubbish. If she keeps on doing it... She's got every reason in the world to either go into deep depression because she clearly has no control over herself and is secretly a slut of the worst kind or she accepts the fact and embraces her sluttiness (whatever that means in her head), acting the part (which may mean extra provocative clothing, provocative behaviours and generally showing off how she doesn't care that she's a slut and that most everyone considers her rubbish).

Finally, it's your story, your world, your decision. Still, you have to make up your mind: Do you think that a woman who sleeps around is acting badly? Do you feel that a serious woman/girl would only sleep around if she were mentally impaired?

I mean no judgement here. One is entitled to feel the way one does about it (for as long as one doesn't act against women who sleep around). But you must realise that most women these days are trying their best to overcome centuries of indoctrination and they do demand the same freedom men have - sleep around if you want it, don't sleep around if you don't want it, no judgement needed - and... it's one thing to have the society shaming her for it, it's another completely different thing to have the narrator implying that society is correct, that a serious girl would not do it unless she was impaired. So, think carefully about the message you want your story to convey.

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I think you are making a mistake in justifying this woman's promiscuity by her consumption of alcohol, and making a mistake by assuming her promiscuity is a result of lack of control on her part, instead of her making conscious and rational choices to engage in casual sex. I say the latter because you think she cannot control herself around her friends boyfriends.
Would you treat a male character the same way? That the only reason he sleeps with many women is because he gets drunk and loses control of himself, and that he cannot hdo not regard her behavior as elp but seduce the girlfriends of his friends, and those girls cannot help but fall into bed with him?
The easy way to fix your problem is to ditch these excuses, and write a girl that truly enjoys sex, a girl that orgasms easily, enjoys flirting and dating and making out and naked foreplay and copulation. Then she craves the next episode.do not regard her behavior as
But that doesn't mean she lacks self control or is drugged, just like her male partners don't have to lack self control or be drugged to participate in this hobby with her and enjoy it: It is not impossible for a woman to enjoy sex because it is fun and thrilling just as much as her partners do.
This hobby can be a rational choice on her part, an entertainment she engages in. She doesn't even have to be interested in a romantic relationship, she can be focused on her career in college. She may be interested in romance in the future, but in college she is not, and casual sex is her pressure relief valve; an effective and quick way to avoid burn out in her studies and stay focused on her life goals, that at the moment don't include falling in love, getting married, or having kids. As part of that same dynamic, to avoid forming attachments, she also enjoys variety and doesn't mind telling her partners the sex is just for fun, a game between friends, and if they want more they shouldn't expect it from her, she's going to finish law school (or medicine or whatever) and start an independent and single career working 80 hours a week.
Her friends will embrace her because they understand her, and if she doesn't get drunk or lose control, and if despite her promiscuity they know she chooses her partners carefully, they won't be worried about her seducing their boyfriends or "giving in" to their drunken demands because these boys make the same mistaken assumptions about her inability to resist any man. Her girlfriends will trust her, even if they don't trust their boyfriends.
That isn't impossible, just like sexual orientation, people can be born with different levels of sex drive, and a higher sexual urgency in the 16-24 cohort, both male and female, is just how our biology works. Nature wants us to get on with the reproduction.
Edit: Some stats to consider to ground you in reality.
These are from "Sex and Youth" by professor Bob Altemeyer, actual sex surveys of college students.
Although there are conservative and judgmental girls, I think there are plenty of regular girls in college that won't shun a promiscuous girl just for being impulsive; as long as she has the self-control to not damage other relationships.
The average age of lost virginity (for girls in America) is 16.3; and few college girls are still with their HS sweetheart. The exact % is not reported, but a large % of female students having sex have had more than one partner.
Only 37% of women think "hooking up" (having sex with somebody they just met) is a big sin. Also 37% of women have done it at least once; in the survey with from 1 to 15 different partners; their median number of partners was 2. The typical "repeats" (having sex with the same guy again) was zero.
For "Friends with Benefits", 29% of female college students said they had at least one such friend, with the number of such friends ranging from 1 to 12, and the median being 2. For Friends WB, the women had intercourse an average of 11 times with their friend.
20% of female college students report they achieve orgasm "easily".
15% of female college students consider themselves "oversexed" and their stats prove it; in how early they have had various sexual experiences, and how often they have intercourse (twice as often as the average).
All in all, I don't think a promiscuous girl will have much difficulty finding a group of friends that will accept her for who she is. Of course not everybody is a good candidate for friend, but that is the case with everybody. We make friends with those that don't consider us awful people; and she will have plenty of company. And also in Altemeyer's study, on average women report that while their close friends do know some details of their sex life, they do not share every detail or occurrence of sex with them; answering the question "how much does your best friend know about your sex life", on a scale of 0 to 7, the average answer is 4. I'd guess it's lower for a group of friends; and your girl may just not share that much, or report every hook up she has.

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The answer to your questions depends entirely on how you characterise the girl's friends. Are they prudish snobs? Then yes, they would shun her. Otherwise, no reason why they should. If they disagree with how she acts, they might say something, but there's a great difference from this to actually pushing her away. I find it more realistic that a friend would express their concern for the girl's safety (getting drunk with unfamiliar guys...), maybe come with her to make sure nothing bad happens.

If you want the character not to be shunned by her friends, you'd need to make her friends the kind of people who would be accepting, if not approving.

As for crossing paths with friends' boyfriends, that's again down to you, and how you characterise the girl. Would this girl go to bed with anyone, or would she refuse a guy who she knows is a friend's boyfriend? Or anyone's boyfriend? There's no shortage of boys in a college - plenty of single guys around.

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