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My mystery novel features an ensemble cast of seven characters. Since I can't talk about all of them in the short span of the query letter, I've decided to focus on the antagonist. He's the main driving force behind the plot and despite appearing the least, he's ever-present in the minds of the other characters. Of course, I'll still mention in the letter that there are multiple POVs united in theme.
This, however, leads me to two issues.
1) Right now I've written a synopsis of almost 600 words where all the characters appear. The other six all influence the main plot and I can't really pick one out and eliminate him/her without losing something crucial to understanding the story. However, I'm afraid the agent reading the synopsis will have a difficult time remembering who is who. Is there an efficient way to make the agent care about each character in such a short span? Or should I do the same for the synopsis - focus on the antagonist and mention the others as the group opposing him? Thing is, they only learn to act as a group at the very end by opposing the antagonist... before that, each does his/her own thing inside interwoven alliances.
2) My very first chapter is not from the antagonist's POV. The first chapter is more of a short, 450-words event that triggers the main plot (kind of like the victim of a murder mystery dying on the first page, but with a slight twist).
The second chapter is from the antagonist's POV and how he plots the entire action that will further occur in the book. It references the event happening in the first chapter.
There are some agents I've stumbled upon who only request the first chapter. Should I rewrite my second chapter (featuring the antagonist's POV) as the first one? I feel like something from the book's voice/atmosphere/theme/understanding of the first chapter's POV character will be lost that way, even if it can somehow be worked into the plot.
Edit:
I guess I should have cleared some things and reworded my questions better.
I can't combine the first two chapters. My book follows a pretty strict internal logic where each chapter is from a different character's POV. Chapter 1 focuses on character A and triggers the events in the book. Chapter 2 focuses on character B (the antagonist) who decided to hurry the entire plot of the book because of what happened in chapter 1.
I could take out chapter 1 since I already mention the event in chapter 2, but I'd rather have it shown for clarity than merely mentioned.
My reworked questions are these:
1) Would seven mentioned characters in a synopsis be too much/too difficult to track? Is there another way to avoid this confusion other than simply labeling some of them as "the group"?
2) Since in my (much shorter) query letter I focus on the antagonist (and lump the other six characters as "the group", for space constraints), and I do mention it's an ensemble cast, would an agent automatically expect the first chapter to be from the antagonist's POV? And since it isn't, would that be an instant rejection?
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1) Would seven mentioned characters in a synopsis be too much/too difficult to track? Is there another way to avoid this confusion other than simply labeling some of them as "the group"?
The length of a synopsis can be one full single-spaced page to four full pages depending on the agent and genre. 600 words is on the short end. On the other hand, seven named characters may be bumping up against the upper end. (mine has five.)
The agent reads the synopsis to make sure the structure of your story is present--a good narrative arc with proper pacing. Each plot point, each twist, and so on. There should be a point of no return, a moment of doom, a twist, a climax. Don't focus on the characters, focus on the action/plot/pivots and twists. Bring in the characters as you need them to illuminate the story. You can structure your synopsis roughly like your story, too: a little setup, but much more of the thick of it--getting into the messy details, and the climax and resolution.
(incidentally, I'd say if your first chapter is tight, leave it at 450 words. If it hooks, agents will want more, and some will definitely appreciate a shorter chapter one. The numbers are something like ten queries per day for most agents. Assuming an average chapter length of 3,000 words, that's a lot of words. I'd hate to read 30,000 words each and every day. I'd be relieved to have a 450 word sample that hooks me.)
2) Since in my (much shorter) query letter I focus on the antagonist (and lump the other six characters as "the group", for space constraints), and I do mention it's an ensemble cast, would an agent automatically expect the first chapter to be from the antagonist's POV?
Yes, I believe this is true.
2B) And since it isn't, would that be an instant rejection?
I don't know, because it will depend on the writing. Agents repeatedly say they want voice above all else. But I suggest writing the query from the PoV of the opening character.
Caveat: I am not an agent. These thoughts are my best understanding.
I think you are focussing too much on introducing the characters in the synopsis too much. You are telling a mystery tale. Let a reader discover who are the characters later, it is not important to an agent. Focus instead on the situation and the atmosphere of the story. Leave a veil of mystery on the characters and their motives.
You want to pitch your characters way too much and you should definately not rewrite to try and fit an agents taste because of this. What they want to see is if the grand theme of the story fits their ability to sell it to a publisher. And when they request a chapter to read it is to see if the quality standard of your writing is good enough in their eyes.
You felt confident enough with your story to pitch it to an agent. You probably edited the story multiple times and let other people read and judge it. You should not change any part of the story (yet)
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