: Re: How to show that a character cares for another, but is also clumsy? This is about a father who returns after a particularly long journey. Typically, he's not available very often anyway, but

@Annie587

Vote Up Vote Down

You need this character to do 2 things that are more or less contradictory. That's fine, it will give him "depth" as readers will be forced to bridge the apparent dichotomy by "filling in the blanks" between the two things.

The problem is trying to get him to do both at the same time.

Rather than sending a single mixed-message the reader must interpret, try having him send first one message before realizing his mistake and attempting to correct it with the second message.

In your scene, allow him to be awkward. Allow him to say the wrong thing and mess it up. Allow him to fail as a parent (it seems he already has), and then realize the mistake and attempt to correct it (maybe not in that moment, he can see the mistake but not know how to come back from it until he learns to actually listen to her). The reader will have more sympathy towards him, seeing his flaws and also seeing that he wants to do better. The reader will have a stronger attachment by being allowed to witness his change in stakes, and the end result will be clearer: #1 he is not perfect; #2 he wants to do the right thing.

By turning the conversation to her lovelife, he is dismissing her career choices, but also dismissing her as a real human being. He is essentially reducing his own daughter to a "girlfriend", which very well might be his opinion of women in general, but it might also be about him wanting grandchildren, or his own regret at not being in her life and somehow imagining there must be a proxy man who has replaced him – in this case since she's an adult the proxy man is not a stepfather but a boyfriend. None of these options are particularly flattering to her, but like her assuming he will be honored by her career choice, he has also constructed an unrealistic representation of her in his mind.

Keep the scene. Allow him to be awkward, and allow it to go badly. Then show the reader that he knows he bungled it and wish he'd acted differently. Since the scene ends on a sour note, you'll probably want to start with high expectations, allow it to turn awkward. Work through that moment so the expectations are that their relationship is shaky but things will get better as they become more familiar. Then slam the "bad news", and let the father over-react.

Plot the scene in terms of dynamics, how their feelings and expectations change over the course of the scene. The reader will build up a picture of these people over time, so it's better to send clear messages and allow the character to change, than to try to hit a perfect but ambiguous multi-note message.

(0)

Login to post a comment!