: What to remember when switching from audiovisual comedy to written ones? "Oh for God's sake, get on with it!", the half-elf's scream boomed through the fort. The uneasines was palpable,

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There is no short answer to your question(s). You first have establish the very definition of comedy and what makes it so?

The first thing to establish in written comedy is that YOU the AUTHOR as a 3rd person narrator should not attempt to be funny. You may create funny situations, amusing characters with hilarious dialogue but you the author should stay out of it.

Comedy is very three dimensional often relying on the information held by a) the reader, b) the characters. i.e. An variation of the basic pantomime plot "Behind you!" - The audience is aware of a situation one or more characters are not. "Tootsie" is an example of this.

Ambiguity and innuendo are also popular elements of comedy as are misunderstandings.

In my opinion, your example fails because you're trying to work descriptions into a scene / sketch. This serves to mess up the timing of the humour. Everything needs to be set-up beforehand.

As for the visual component - it's tough without referencing an existing piece of "video".

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I used to be a visual thinker like you. Then I took an adjective to
the knee.

The big difference - which applies to other genres as well as comedy - is that you're using the reader's imagination instead of a screen. With a screen, there's little room for ambiguity. With the reader's imagination, what they've seen may not be exactly what the writer has seen. There are opportunities for surprise and comedy in this.

Some writers slap the reader in the face with perspective. I always scowl at the scrolling titles in "Star Wars" - the Empire are inherently "evil" and "sinister", while the rebels want to "restore freedom" by [winning] "victory". There's no room for nuance, which translates better into a visual medium than written text.

It also works well for a reading audience that want to be led, so for some genres a direct description will be the way to go. Others may want to exercise their imaginations more, in which case metaphor and simile will be stronger than a direct description (which is a variation on the classic "show, don't tell" - and you've shown us some examples of doing that in the excerpt). If you can figure out how to accommodate both groups of readers you'll have found the Holy Grail of writing, and an ability to switch between the two approaches is possibly the Holy Grail of comedy.

And watch out for those adjectives. They're sharp and pointy.

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