: Re: Confusing writing in order to show how character is falling asleep - is it OK? Generally, writing something confusing is not good. On the other hand, a writer should show rather than tell.

@Turnbaugh521

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I think the effect is absolutely worth working toward, but I'm not sure you're working in the right direction.

The excerpt you gave, for me, felt stimulating rather than lulling. The first sentence was frustrating ('tossed at her' made me think the brain was tossing (like tossing and turning) in response to the voices) so my brain was on edge, and then the repetition of 'sleep' and 'asleep' seemed to intensify rather than sooth. I'm not sure about the long sentences, either. I think they tend to build toward a climax, rather than ease into relaxation.

So, absolutely OK to try, but this attempt didn't work for me.

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