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: Re: How do you make a vague metaphor more easy to understand? I am a fairly avid songwriter, and although I like writing meaningful lyrics, I am not particularly good at it. I tend to use a
Besides my comment above about referencing the wrong item, in a more general sense, you can make a metaphor clearer by working backwards from your end result.
If your end is "silence is golden," which is the important idea you want to reference, consider what part of a person makes sound. It's not really the lips, but the mouth. (I wouldn't use "golden voice" because that already means "having a beautiful voice.") Possibly you could use "tongue," which also means language.
Pushing it further, why stay with "golden"? Maybe use gilded or gilt,, and then you can pun on guilt depending on why the "you" is silent.
So your lyric could be something like (you'll have to work out your own meter):
a mouth of gilt
a mouth, gilt
your gilded mouth
your mouth full of gold
your tongue covered in gilt/guilt
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: Consequences. A strikes B. Even if B provoked A, A still gets arrested, processed, tried, convicted, and serves time. A gets grief from family and friends. A feels mixed anger, resentment,
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: In narration, stay in one tense. "She had green eyes" is fine, because your entire story is in the past tense — the "present-past," if that makes sense. If she had green eyes as a
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