: Re: Does my first paragraph grab your attention? I'm working on a new M/M romance novel about a guy who's trying out nudism and an experience nudist. Does my opening paragraph succeed in drawing

Here's my suggestions:

My public speaking professor from freshman year always told us to picture our
audience naked when we got nervous. It was her no-fail technique for
overcoming your nerves.

But was it the protag's technique? I don't care as much for what the professor thought worked--did it work for the protag until now?

Well,
apparently that doesnâ€™t work so well when they actually are naked. And when
you're about to be naked as well. My heart skipped a beat as I walked
past one of the signs proclaiming the beach clothing-optional. It sent both a
thrill and a jolt of fear through my body.

The sentence "when you're about to be naked as well" is a great closer. The following sentences serve only to dilute the hook. Plus, it seems like there is a change of setting here: the opening sets us up to have the protag speak to a large group of naked people, while the closing sentences suggest that it's actually a nude beach.

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: Techniques for writing internal monologue I've seen the thoughts of a character written in a few different ways: Example 1: Indirect Ender liked it better, though, when two boys played against

@Cugini967

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: Expositing a lack of racial difference I have a story set in a fantasy-Africa, in which the protagonist must make her way from her rural home to a coastal city in order to seek medical treatment

@Cugini967

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: You've already read a lot, which is a good thing. I suspect what you're missing at this point is reading to learn: taking something that you love which is well-written, and tearing it apart

@Cugini967

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: Waiting for response to full MS About three months ago, an agent that I had queried responded with a request for the full manuscript of the novel that I had written to her about. It's now

: Re: Does my first paragraph grab your attention? I'm working on a new M/M romance novel about a guy who's trying out nudism and an experience nudist. Does my opening paragraph succeed in drawing

More posts by @Cugini967

: Techniques for writing internal monologue I've seen the thoughts of a character written in a few different ways: Example 1: Indirect Ender liked it better, though, when two boys played against

: Expositing a lack of racial difference I have a story set in a fantasy-Africa, in which the protagonist must make her way from her rural home to a coastal city in order to seek medical treatment

: You've already read a lot, which is a good thing. I suspect what you're missing at this point is reading to learn: taking something that you love which is well-written, and tearing it apart

: Waiting for response to full MS About three months ago, an agent that I had queried responded with a request for the full manuscript of the novel that I had written to her about. It's now

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