: Re: Does this dream sequence work in my introduction? I'm writing the introduction to a story. The intro starts with a dream, then the main character wakes up, and then he and one of the secondary

@Martha805

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This is a little late to the party, but you haven't chosen an answer yet, so I'll give my opinion.

On point 1:

Why don't you try thinking of the dream sequence as a prologue? From your question, I'm not sure if you're writing a short story or a novel, so I don't know if a prologue is a viable option, but if not then just think of it as a detachment from the actual story. Try to make a point where you could easily act as if a chapter was ending, and another one was beginning. Starting a chapter with the main character vomiting would be quite interesting, and would immediately hook the reader.

On Point 2:

I feel as if you are writing a little bit clunky and jarred, which I can understand as you are writing a dream sequence. However the visceral imagery that you are writing about, the complete lack of context and being dropped straight into the action with no explanation should make the reader realize it is a dream, or at least they will know it is not a reality. And if not, there are very few paragraphs before they are taken to an entirely new location, so that should be quite obvious.

On Point 4:

I think you need to establish that Felix is at a bus stop first, before you start to introduce another character, because as Chris said, despite knowing that they were at a bus stop from the question I still read it as if they were in bed together. Also, I doubt Dante would comment on Felix being asleep unless he had been for a significant period of time, and if they were friends I doubt he would have let him fall into a deep sleep. It would make more sense for Felix to have fallen asleep for a few seconds and had a very vivid dream, and upon waking he realizes it for himself.

Also, and I only noticed this because I tend to do it myself, it reads more like a screenplay. All of the exposition is coming from the speech of the characters. For example, you can have the internal monologue of Felix establish their ethnicity first, and then still have a conversation about it, but reading it made me feel a little uncomfortable whilst I didn't know what their ethnicity was.

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