: Re: How to deal with cliche dialogue? The following is from a story I'm writing: "Goodbye Choco," my mother said, to end the prayer, “may your soul rest in peace,” and crossed herself.

@Dunderdale623

Vote Up Vote Down

If do you want to liven up the dialogue you perhaps need to add some conflict into the mother's state of mind. Her input to the scene is sadness and worry, which is a little predictable and one dimensional, and that makes it difficult to conjure interesting expression. The mother could carry other traits or motivations. She may be hiding guilt, regret, a dark secret, or even indigestion, all of which could colour her dialogue either darkly or comically. Imagine the last time you were at a funeral, what else were you thinking about aside from how sad it all was?

You have a perfect opportunity for subtext - she can talk about the dog, while really referring to how protective she feels about her daughter. 'I should never have let Choco off the leash' etc. You have a woman who you might think ought to be grieving, but is actually more fearful for the loved-ones still alive.

No matter how you go about it, having one person refuse to be honest or direct with the other adds immediate conflict which you can use for drama or comedy, and it prevents your characters from stating the obvious. The reader knows the obvious (mothers worry) but is forced to consider the turmoil which prevents the characters saying it.

(0)

Login to post a comment!