: Re: Does this writing create emotion in the reader? The thing I hear most often about my writing is, "It's too dry." I'm sure this happens to other people too. I'm working on eliciting

A few things I notice are your change of tense and POV. It is not consistent. You switch at the end from "I" to "you" and feels like your preaching to your reader.

You have a lot of Filter Words. Saw, felt,feel, realized, watch, etc... These words naturally put up another layer between the character and the reader. Try rewriting without these.

Passive voice was mentioned before. Look at MRU (motivation reaction units) as well.

One way to expand the scene is to have the POV character reflecting on specific moments they had together rather than telling us about them.

"I cried in her arms, cried over all the things we could never do nor fix, all the people - who by simple virtue of existence deserve unrelenting love - whom we couldnâ€™t save. People whom weâ€™d never meet, whom we could never help. We grieved together for the people who are too blind to know that they canâ€™t see, who will live forever in self-created misery - people we will never be able to help. We grieved for the people they hurt out of ignorance."

Expand upon this. Have the POV character recall an actual specific situation the led to such grief. Perhaps a story about why he cried in her arms and who we couldn't save. Was it a random person, parents, ex lover, etc...? Did they die tragically? Was it the POV fault for their death and by extension they feel they fail to protect their lover. This allows us to emphasize.

EX Idea: Maybe the POV was driving and crashed a car (maybe he was drunk). The accident killed his parents and he blames himself for it. During the crash he tried to pull his parents from the burning car and his mom bleeds to death in his arms.

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: Re: Does this writing create emotion in the reader? The thing I hear most often about my writing is, "It's too dry." I'm sure this happens to other people too. I'm working on eliciting

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: How to show a crying/sad scene without using sentimentalism? Previously, I had no difficulty in showing a scene like that, and as for me, to show a crying scene I'd write something like "then

: Page turnings clarification In my story, to go to next page I wrote "I completed my sentence and turned the page.". But now I want to go back to my previous page, I wrote "I realized that

: In play writing, script writing or theatre is there a name for some exchange of dialogue between characters that is supposed to make a point? Suppose you want to show that two characters have

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