: Re: Does this writing create emotion in the reader? The thing I hear most often about my writing is, "It's too dry." I'm sure this happens to other people too. I'm working on eliciting

@Sarah872

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Remember, the goal is not to feel emotion, and not to write emotion. The goal is to write so the reader feels emotion.

At the risk of being terminally cheesy, consider these lyrics from 90's pop group Roxette (reformatted as prose):

What's the time? Seems it's already morning. I see the sky, it's so beautiful and blue. The TV's on, but the only thing showing is a picture of you. I get up, and make myself some coffee. I try to read a bit, but the story's too thin. I thank the Lord above that you're not there to see me in this shape I'm in. Spending my time, watching the days go by. Feeling so small, I stare at the wall, hoping that you think of me too.

To me, this paints an effective picture of a post-breakup depression, built almost entirely through mundane details. Essentially we see a portrait of someone trying to get on with life and failing. This makes it easy to emphasize with, especially if you've ever lived that experience, because it's very relatable.

Here's a very similar example, from Wilco:

I try to stay busy. I do the dishes, I mow the lawn. I try to keep myself occupied, even though I know you're not coming home. I try to keep the house nice and neat. I make my bed, I change the sheets. I even learned how to use the washing machine. Keeping things clean doesn't change anything.

The problem with your example is that even though the character is very emotional, there's no real avenue in for the reader. There needs to be some point of identification before we start to care.

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