: Re: Is it OK to add description just because a chapter has none? I am trying to write without description, only narrating the perceptions of my protagonist, both external (what happens) and internal

@Bethany377

Vote Up Vote Down

It's a balance. When I read the first version, it just barely verges on being "too sensational", but it works. The second version offers an improvement of sorts, but phrases like "That's right" which acknowledge how sensational/confusingly disparate the events are, instead of just letting the reader realize that for herself, are deleterious.

I.e.: know how disparate is too disparate, and don't write anything that comments on how disparate it is. Know your reader and her limits—to give you an idea, the first version you posted seems fine—and then trust her to follow you through.

Have you seen Tarantino's movies? Resivoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction are both fairly broken-up—they depend on it—but it works. Knowing that limit is probably something you get from reading your story and having others read it.

Minor editing suggestion: "plus" results in a kind of pseudo run-on. Using "and" would be better, in my opinion.

(0)

Login to post a comment!