: Re: How to give written advice in a way that is encouraging, not overbearing How do we write something to inspire a person which corrects the mistakes they've made until now, but without making
First and foremost, you should get a life. What I mean is that you should go do something for yourself – pursue your interest, engage in your hobbies.
I don't understand the need for the first sentence. "Get a life" is normally regarded as a negative statement, and "first and foremost" is a redundant cliché. Why kick it off with that, when you can turn it into something positive?
Go do something for yourself – pursue an interest, engage in your hobbies.
That's much less negative, and would make a better start.
This pattern – peppering your prose with negative statements – continues as your paragraph goes on:
What I see most of your time is spent chatting with friends. A complete waste of time. Just imagine number of people you talk to, in a single day. How many of them actually care about you?
You say you want to inspire, but you're stuck in the rut of a nitpicking rant.
The solution is simple, and it's the key to any good writing: proofread and revise. In your case, if you're trying to write in an inspiring tone, begin by getting rid of language that sounds inherently negative or overbearing:
First and foremost, you should get a life. What I mean is that you should go do something for yourself - pursue your interest, engage in your hobbies. What I see most of your time is spent chatting with friends. A complete waste of time. Just imagine number of people you talk to, in a single day. How many of them actually care about you? Yes, it feels good to share about your life with friends. I love that too. Everybody does. But I generally do not discuss it with people who don't care about me. You do. Whoever you see in front of you, you'll start sharing all your life information with the guy. I suggest you put effort into studies, extra curriculum and sports. If you have these things, it'd be fun to talk to people instead of just goofing around with them.
You can make further improvements by removing those first person references, which seem more condescending than inspiring:
First and foremost, you should get a life. What I mean is that you should go do something for yourself - pursue your interest, engage in your hobbies. What I see most of your time is spent chatting with friends. A complete waste of time. Just imagine number of people you talk to, in a single day. How many of them actually care about you? Yes, it feels good to share about your life with friends. I love that too. Everybody does. But I generally do not discuss it with people who don't care about me. You do. Whoever you see in front of you, you'll start sharing all your life information with the guy. I suggest you put effort into studies, extra curriculum and sports. If you have these things, it'd be fun to talk to people instead of just goofing around with them.
Let's take a look at what you're left with, after polishing some rough edges, and removing some of the fluff:
You should go do something for yourself – pursue an interest, engage in your hobbies. Don't spend most of your time idly chatting. Sure, it feels good to share with friends what's happening in your life. But try putting more effort into your studies, extracurricular activities, and sports. If you do more of these things, you'll probably become a more interesting person to talk with.
I'm not saying that what we have left will be showing up on BrainyQuote anytime soon. But I think it's more balanced and inspiring than what you originally provided in this question.
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