bell notificationshomepageloginNewPostedit profile

Topic : Re-write needed Joshua heard himself say, “I’m heading over to Jason’s.” He felt his footsteps leading towards the door. Joshua opened and shut the door in a daze, not knowing where - selfpublishingguru.com

10.01% popularity

Joshua heard himself say, “I’m heading over to Jason’s.” He felt his footsteps leading towards the door. Joshua opened and shut the door in a daze, not knowing where his steps would lead him.


Load Full (1)

Login to follow topic

More posts by @Tiffany377

1 Comments

Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best

10% popularity

I guess normally this site doesn't answer questions unlikely to help more than the asker (OP). But welcome! Also, you didn't ask a question. However, I'll interpret and generalize to "How do I make a limited third-person point of view not sound monotonous? Here is my sample:".

You can reverse the subject and predicate or just put the subject after the verb.
You can start a sentence with a prepositional or participial (-ing) phrase.
You can pair a quote with an action to minimize the use of "said."
You can use adverbs to give your storytelling "body."

In your passage, I like the sleepwalking/psychedelia feel. As an aside, sleepwalkers generally have no awareness or recollection of their actions. With third-person limited point of view, it would (have to) be altered consciousness. How about:

Joshua felt the urge to move; he knew not where. Inspiration led him to the door but all else was confusion. "I'm heading over to Jason's" came a voice from every place and no place at once. Shutting the door behind him, he tentatively stepped out into the world.


Load Full (0)

Back to top