: Re: How do I avoid tradeoffs with showing vs. telling? I learned early on (as most writers have) "show, don't tell," which I agree with for the most part. However, I've found many situations in

@Debbie451

Vote Up Vote Down

Example 1 puts us in the POV of the listener: I heard a cough. There's also the very tiny implication that it's not a person, but perhaps an animal, a monster, or maybe a mechanical sound which appears to be a cough but later turns out to be a silenced bullet or something. But that depends on your story.

Example 2 does not at all to me imply "he knew someone was behind him" or "he was safe," but again, that's dependent on your story. If he's in a crowded bar, a cough may not be a big deal; if he's alone in his flat, someone else coughing is a problem.

Example 3 has the least immediacy to me because you've piled so many words between the person and the cough, plus you've used "flinch" (which means a jump at a sudden action) with "unexpectedly," making the adverb redundant. But if you're using it as part of an ongoing description, it still might work: He stared fixedly at Moriarty's cold black eyes. The red lights crawling over John's face didn't distract him. He didn't even flinch when someone coughed behind him. That context isn't "sudden," but it's piling on the tension.

Yes, there are pacing trade-offs. There are also style and content trade-offs. Do you want your audience to wonder what is coughing? Go with 1. Is the cough one of several events going on? Go with 3. If a cough is just a cough, then 2 is fine.

(0)

Login to post a comment!