: Re: Does this opening draw you in? Gone. Of course. How could I expect anything less? I searched around in his room anyway. Once I was convinced that he truly left, I rushed out of the empty

@Harper186

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While it does sound intriguing (I myself would continue reading) I do happen to think it could use some work. It seems very abrupt and sudden and just a bit too 'thrown in' while you always want to start with action to get your readers excited I personally felt it was a little too fast. Try adding some description, maybe a few more of you MC's thoughts, just to spread it out a little, show a bit more emotion. Is this someone your MC was found of? Perhaps express more annoyance/distress in his/her thoughts. You need to start building up tension from the moment you begin writing, and I felt it needed just a bit more to make us really care about what was going on, as a reader its seemed almost dull and unimportant though I can tell it is meant to be your clincher, so I'd add just a little more detail and pump it up on the tension, make us REALLY care about what's going on even though we don't know yet! I'd like to read more of this story I think, it seems enticing and has awesome potential! (I'm kinda a fantasy geek and I was getting some of those vibes from this!) Hope you post your edited version if you end up writing one!

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