: Re: Onomatopoeia usage, how much of it detracts from the story? So, in a novel I'm writing, there is a situation where the first-person protagonist is in a lot of pain, so much that she is screaming

While fully agreeing with @Lythric on the multiplying letters in the onomatopoeia (it does sound childish and looks rather comic-book-like) and repeating action words (scream) I am not at all sure the following suggested passage fits into the narrative:

My stentorian wails failed to repel the knife, and it buried itself into my heart.

To me it sounds too encyclopedic and distant from the rest of a narrative.

Or this:

"No! No," I tore at my breast, leaving bloodied scratches

I seriously doubt that the person in so much pain would care to check in the mirror if the scratches on their chest are bloody.

But it's just me.

And frankly (for me, once again) the main problem with the given excerpt was not the use of comic book onomatopoeia and repeating words.

While desperately trying not to slip into the uninvited literary critique, I have to admit that despite clearly getting the picture of the POV character being in a lot of pain (you made that work all right), I had no idea what is really happening.

Is someone trying to cure a heart attack by putting a knife through the person's skull? Where than the pain in the leg fits? Or back? I would wish for more segregation between reality and biased perception of it (through pain).

I do, however, understand that this is an excerpt and there is a story leading to it, so you have the right to ignore this remark.

Best.

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: Re: Onomatopoeia usage, how much of it detracts from the story? So, in a novel I'm writing, there is a situation where the first-person protagonist is in a lot of pain, so much that she is screaming

More posts by @Murphy332

: How do you get a character to tell a short story? Writing noobie here. I'm at a point in my story where one of the characters recalls a memory from their past and talks about the impact

: Can I publish my book in the Russian language with advertising and selling online? I'm based in the USA. I wrote a book in the Russian language. My book had already been published in Russia

: Avoiding -ly Words "I believe the road to hell is paved with adverbs," said Stephen King. He went on to explain that they should be used sparingly, not as a crutch to avoid writing a more

: It is a bit stereotypical, but for good reason. The two are opposing forces. I don't mean in the sense of physical frozen water and whatever the hell fire is, but in the sense of endothermic

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