: Re: How should dialog be formatted? Is there any "official" rule that I should keep in mind when formatting character dialog? Line breaks, placement of quotes, mixing dialog with action descriptions

@Kevin153

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One possible correction:

"I've come to offer you a gift." He
paused and, sensing that she wasn't
going to say anything, continued.
"Your money and position back."

You need a period at the end of the first quotation. Otherwise, it reads as if he paused those words, which doesn't make sense.

An alternative:

... continued, "Your money and position back."

If I were writing this without a pause, I might write it with a colon (though colons seem kinda awkward in casual dialogue):

"I've come to offer you a gift: Your money and position back."

I don't see a good way to stuff both the colon and the pause into the paragraph. This doesn't seem right:

"I've come to offer you a gift:" He paused and, sensing that she wasn't going to say anything, continued, "Your money and position back."

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