: Re: Critique of short essay Basically I need some critics regarding the following points: Does this description essay archive its goal (a creepy story with a 'sappy' ending)? How is the 'rhythm' of

@Debbie451

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Your writing style is stream-of-consciousness, which can be hard to digest. (On the internet this is labeled "tl;dr" for "too long; didn't read.") I strongly suggest breaking this into several paragraphs.

Second, you start out with how despite your objection to her color, she became an emotional bright spot — but you don't get to that until the end, and then you quickly hurry past it. You spend most of the essay dwelling on the "before" part of your feelings.

You should structure it roughly:

Intro: pets are great. mine wasn't,
until she was. Cute baby cat to all-black
cat whom I hated, and then loved.
Para 1: Silent by day, loud
distressing cries at night
Para 2: How she felt and smelled
Para 3: How my feelings changed and
why [this is the part you're missing]
Conclusion: Luz is gone and I miss her

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