I'm sure to ruffle some feathers but... Zingifer, this whole 'men don't cry', 'men don't show feelings', 'men react aggressively', 'men whatever-you-will', this is all beep. It is societal, not biological. Men do feel, and it's not just anger and aggresivity. Unless, of course, you're a sociopath.

I am a woman, so people may feel free to ignore what I'm about to say, but men do cry, men do feel crippling sadness.

My father is in his 70s. He is an old-fashioned man. He's not sentimental, he does not show emotions, and if life gets tough... be a man. (And if you happen to be a woman, then be a woman: suck it in and do your best.)

Nevertheless, he has (in the protection of his home, with only his closer family present) admitted that yes, he cried. When he was younger, he spent six months at a time working far from home and family, in a different country, in difficult life conditions. He is a social, family-centered man. He missed his family and friends dreadfully and yes, he was sad. He did not mention anger, just deep longing for and sadness. Although, obviously, he hid those feelings (because it is not becoming for a man to show such sensitive, weak feelings). He also cried in the shower many, many times. Because no one can distinguish the water from the tears, and if your eyes are red, blame it on the shampoo. And if by any chance someone notices you're taking longer than you should... well, your muscles were particularly sore and the hot water helps.

My father is now undergoing a difficult stage in his life. He's been through the anger and denial, and he's been through despair and depression. It's a 'marathon' he's undergoing; he has good days, when he forces himself to suck it in and do his best, and he has bad days, when he can't force himself do do anything. Like I said, it's a marathon. He's made peace with the fact that slumping down for a day does not make him less of a man.

But let me tell you something as a woman who is not in the least prone to violence or aggressivity: when life puts you in a position where you cannot show your sadness, or even just finer feelings (meaning delicate, sensitive, weak), for a long period of time (as has happened to me for professional reasons), anger does show up. If you spend enough time bottling down sadness (my experience was mostly sadness, even if it wasn't the only 'finer feeling' I was swallowing), resentment grows and you start having slightly more violent reactions. In my case, throwing things at walls (not people, didn't get that far). So maybe (just maybe) all the 'natural' angry reactions of men are just a reaction to a lifetime of forcing sadness and other 'weak feelings' down.

PS: I think it shows that I have a really strong pet peeve against the terms 'feminine' or 'manly' feelings. Feelings are feelings; they may be more sensitive or more violent. And yes, I know that testosterone is a male hormone that prompts aggressivity. But the fact is, women have testosterone too (although in lower levels) and I assure you that a lot of women would be as aggressive (or more) than some men if societal rules had not taught them (us) to force it down. So it's ok for a woman to cry, whether it's sadness or anger, but not punch something. Men, though, should go out and punch something, whether it's anger or sadness.

PPS: In the European Middle Ages (I'm particularly familiar with the 14th century), a well-educated noble man should be a fierce warrior and a sensitive courtier, capable of shedding tears in public (for the right reasons, obviously).

Conclusion
People come in all shapes and feelings. My father is my prime example here: tough it out, show no weakness. Keyword: show. He has never once said a man cannot feel sadness, even to the point of becoming powerless and incapable of action. What he has said is that a person (man or woman) cannot give in to those feelings (and a man should not even show them). But the feelings are there.

Ok, rant almost over.

Sorry for anything that might have gone over a line somewhere.

Focusing on your character now... All I can say is that yes, many people will expect your characters to correspond to the stereotype, and some stereotypes are easier forgotten than others. Men having control over their feelings, especially weak ones like sadness, is a turn on (in more ways than one) and a stereotype that is not easily kicked out. I suggest that you balance moments of despair and giving in (which equates defeat) with an effort to overcome it all (and being successful), which doesn't mean refusing to acknowledge sensitivity in general. There's a reason why (a lot of) women love seeing a big, strong man being affectionate with a baby or a puppy. Men that are sensitive are attractive, just don't wallow; that is not attractive. Keep that in mind for your character.

Anyway, like my father might say, it's not about being a man or a woman, it's about overcoming your weaknesses. Okay, so he got a blow, several! Slump down, cry it out in private, then get up and do something, whether it's fighting against the situation or washing your hands of it and moving on to something else worthier of your character's efforts.

I truly believe that a character fighting to be successful, even if there are moments of despair, is always a worthy character. This is true of male and female characters: I cannot stand those wretched female creatures that wallow in despair and are unable to act. Most women I know are strong people that face adversity with a steady head, even if they cry themselves to sleep every night. In contrast, most female characters are cardboard weaklings, just like most male characters are cardboard supermen. I find neither attractive.

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