: First-person narrative: Does it make more sense to focus on internal thoughts than external gestures? Example: I shook my head unbelieving. Could someone I barely knew know so much about

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I shook my head unavailingly. Could someone I barely knew know so much about me?

This gives the impression that the author makes a conscious decision to shake their head. This would be a strange thing to do, except when they are intentionally faking their body language.

This line would actually work really well in a situation where the character wants to convince the other character that they are surprised even though they are actually not.

No, impossible. Could someone I barely knew know so much about me?

This seems far more natural when you want to convey bewilderment. When the character is indeed surprised, they might not even be aware of their body language. They are far too mentally occupied with pondering the implications of what they just heard to wonder about subconscious gestures.

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I'll go out on a limb here and argue the second example is objectively better.

The problem with the first is that it changes perspectives in the same paragraph. The first sentence is something that only an outside observer could notice, while the second is completely first-person. As a reader trying to get into your head, I feel like I'm being jerked around.

You could salvage the first by rephrasing it to something your first-person observer might notice. For example:

I felt my head shake in disbelief. Could someone I barely knew know so much about me?

This could probably be cleaned up more, but the idea is there. This version reports only things your first-person observer would have noticed.

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On what level is the narrator communicating to us?

Are they conscious of the fact that there's a reader (or perhaps a listener), and trying to present themselves in a particular way, or are we getting perfect access to their thoughts?

Are they trying to give us access to their thoughts, but don't know quite how to communicate them?

Are they trying not to give us access to their thoughts, but give themself away unknowingly through their own descriptions of their actions?

Are they the sort of person who is very focused on how they come across to others, or on the relationship between their body and external world (and so will tend to notice what they're physically doing when they react to something) or are they someone who may not notice these things, and instead focus on what they feel internally?

Are they someone who will notice their emotions at all, or will they instead notice how other people are reacting to them (and we learn about them through that)?

Nobody else can answer these questions for you. They depend on you, and the character that exists (for now) only in your head. Get to know your narrator, and the answer will be obvious to you in a way that it never can be for anyone else, because nobody else is you.

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I agree with Surtsey, but I'd like to add that it's also a good idea to balance the two. If the external gesture is conscious, feel free to describe it; if the gesture is an instinctive reaction, go with the internal thought.

If one sticks only to either gestures or internal thoughts, no middle ground, it can get repetitive, while at the same time focusing too much on the inside / outside. Balance is key.

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Again, you are asking for a rule on a practice - the truth is there is no rule. Different writers use different methods. Ergo, different readers prefer different styles.

Addressing your examples I prefer the second simply because I'm not convinced how aware people are of their own natural gestures. If you want the reader to be aware of the gesture - have somebody else highlight it.

e.g.

How could someone I barely knew know so much about me?

"Penny for them?" Tracey interrupted my thoughts.

"What?"

"You were shaking your head and you looked . . . kind of sad."

"I'm fine," I replied, forcing a smile.

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