: Re: Is it bad/distracting to mix dialogue and action too much? One of the answers to this question movitated me to ask this. I don't agree 100% with the answerer, however, I think he has good
It can be distracting, or feel amateurish or self-conscious, when it's out of balance. For example, butchering your work to create an extreme example...
"Does it hurt?" I indicated her eye patch tattoo.
Sumire blinked a few times. "Oh, no---only when I do this."
"How did it happen?" I passed the pen drive to her.
"My phone fell from my selfie stick and hit me in the eye." She broke into a quiet giggle.
I heaved out a sigh. "I thought something more complex had happened to you."
"Something more complex?" Sumire blinked a few times at me.
This is irritating to read. The dialog is stifled by constant interruption, and the small islands of action are not able to flourish. Contrast with a version where the rhythm isn't so repetitive and where the reader can settle into bursts of action, followed by bursts of dialog.
I pressed the pen drive into her hand, then cocked a finger at her eyepatch tattoo. "Does it hurt?"
"Oh, no---only when I blink," she said.
"How did it happen?"
"I wanted to take a photo from a high angle, but my phone fell from my selfie stick and hit me in the eye. Silly, huh?" She broke into a quiet giggle, but then the need to blink got the better of her, and her grin suddenly turned to a gasp and a sharp grimace.
"I thought something more complex had happened to you."
"Something more complex?"
Also notice how the longer action discriptions can function as a pause in the dialog, the way an actor might pause to express some inner processes. That can be used to your advantage, to let the reader add in their own 'acting', fleshing out the performance on your behalf. It's certainly better than writing, 'He paused.'
For what its worth, I think your example is just fine for the first 3-4 lines, it's just the pattern becomes repetitive and awkward after that.
By the way, some people advocate breaking action and dialog into their own paragraphs, even when its the same character performing each. I'm not sure if that's a cultural or genre thing, so I'll leave that part alone.
And finally, 'he/she said' is not considered to be action, so they can be slotted in wherever needed to keep the reader on track.
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