: I like this idea. I was actually planning to use a similar technique in one of my own stories at once point. To address the bullet points in your question: It may be jarring to the

@Michele605

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I like this idea. I was actually planning to use a similar technique in one of my own stories at once point. To address the bullet points in your question:

It may be jarring to the reader. It can be awkward, uncomfortable to read.

In this instance, I think that's a good thing. The character herself is feeling awkward and uncomfortable and you are accurately conveying that feeling to the audience.

I feel like I may be missing out on opportunities to elaborate and develop her more. I could be using these times as a chance to say a bit more about how she feels.

Perhaps. But you also state, elsewhere in the question, that "how she feels" at that precise moment is numb. In other words, she isn't feeling anything, ergo, there's not much to elaborate upon in that regard. Instead, wait until after she's left the party and she's relaxed a little, and then have her reflect on the party, her feelings about it, and anything else you feel needs elaborating.

I read on another answer that writing should flow like speaking does, and this goes against that.

See my first point. In this instance, the character's thoughts are clearly not flowing properly, and your writing conveys that.

It's a good technique, but I would advise you not to overuse it. Since her description during these scenes is deliberately sparse, they should be fairly short by nature, so what you should end up with is long periods of quiet introspection and lucidity punctuated by short, sudden bursts of numbness and dissociation.

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