: Re: Broken up dialog in single paragraph I'm writing my first novel, and I'm using a style that seems fine to me, but I'm not positive I'm punctuating correctly. I hate overusing dialog tags. I

How it's formatted is fine. Just my opinion, but if it was mine, I'd put the first line of dialogue before Thomas and write those three sentences grouped together and end with the second line of dialogue.

I'm trying to imagine the scene. Thomas walks up to the old man, who is saying something I'm guessing, and offers to help. Then he delves into his pocket and gets the cash, which he then offers to the man.

It does need more description/emotion. Like what Thomas is feeling when he stares at the wad of cash. That could be why you're finding it a bit strange. But as I said, this is me.

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: How do I know what I'm writing is interesting to the reader? I'm starting to wrap up the gestation period of my first book - right now I have a notebook filled with a lot of observations

: Re: Broken up dialog in single paragraph I'm writing my first novel, and I'm using a style that seems fine to me, but I'm not positive I'm punctuating correctly. I hate overusing dialog tags. I

More posts by @Si5022468

: How do I include translations without ruining the flow of the text? A character speaks two languages throughout the whole plot. How to insert the translation of the other language without ruining

: Representing minorities without cultural appropriation Inspired by the great queens of East Africa (e.g. Arawelo in Somalia and Gudit in Ethiopia), I have been researching a fantasy story about

: For questions about representing time in written works, conveying the passage of time, or other questions about time as content, see time-depiction.

: How do I know what I'm writing is interesting to the reader? I'm starting to wrap up the gestation period of my first book - right now I have a notebook filled with a lot of observations

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