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The structure of your essay is fine, but your intro is irrelevant and your conclusion is redundant. I know the advice runs "Tell 'em what you're going to tell 'em, tell 'em, and then tell 'em what you told 'em" but you don't literally use the words "I said X."
For shortening it, let's just try the first paragraph:
Studying with partners sometimes illuminates us. When studying alone, learners will often encounter the situation where even though they can tell may find that they're puzzled by something, they aren't fully aware of what it is. but they can't articulate what. This is when experienced learners would immediately realize it's time to seek help. If there are something that can only be found in group learning, it would be the communication between humans. Self-study , be it extracting knowledge from books or from other materials, is one-sided information flowing process gathering, meaning that we only accept facts from the material while our feedbacks are not supervised by it. without getting feedback on our understanding or perception from others. This kind of process is in sharp contrast with human-to-human communication. In which case, with a series of information exchange and mutual observation, the learners would quickly locate the problem. Exchanging information and observations with others can allow students to locate what they're having trouble with.
Sorry, you have an awful lot of fluff there. I know English is not your first language, and you're obviously working hard. :) Your grammar is mostly fine (although "something" is singular and would take "is," not "are")
Remove phrases like "the situation where" and "it's time to." You can show the contrast between A and B without having to say "In sharp contrast." You don't have to specify what medium a person is getting information from; it's irrelevant.
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