: Re: Moving away from a gender-based analysis I'm writing a short essay on gender undercurrents of conversations, i.e. how do different people approach communication and problem-solving in their relationships.

@Carla500

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I've always considered the two poles as cooperative and competitive.

Cooperators want to do things in a group, to get the opinions if not the consensus of others, and consider their own wants secondary to those of others.

Competitors want to come up with a solution individually and then impose it on everyone around them. Their wants are the most important.

Let me give you a non-aggressive example which still includes gender: A man and a woman are in a room. The woman feels chilly. She thinks I feel chilly. I would like it to be warmer in here. Does he feel chilly too? If we both feel chilly, it's genuinely cold in here, and we should turn the heat up. But if it's just me, I'll put on a sweater so he's not too hot.

The woman asks the man, "Is it cold in here?"

The man thinks She is asking me a factual question about air temperature. He gets up and looks at the thermostat, and says "No, it's 72 degrees." (72ºF is not considered "cold.")

The cooperator wants to get consensus before changing the group environment. The competitor is only concerned with being "right."

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