: I'm trying out a new style. How can I find out if it is my element? I want to find out if writing in a very minimalistic and futuristic style works for me, but when I look at what I

I'm slightly struggling with the frequent switching between the abstract and the sensation reading that. There's nothing wrong with a succinct style like this, it just currently reads like some sentences were omitted.

"That boy's good." Taffy playfully giggled, pointing to the somewhat good-looking boy sitting up front. The room was blue. Serene. Calm.

At first we are reading an action sequence, Taffy giggling and pointing, then we get a list of situational descriptions of the room. Why are they in a paragraph together? How to do they relate to each other?

None of these would be what Selena was feeling.

None of what? If this was in a paragraph with the room description, then it would be clearly a reference to those adjectives, but at the moment it's not clear.

Something swirled round and round

We've left the punctuated style here and switched to much more descriptive narrative. Also, if you could tell us what the something is (even metaphorically), it would add more impact.

his burning gaze

Unless it's lasers, this isn't in sequence. Tell us what happened (he turned) and then her reaction (and his gaze burnt). And how did she see that if her eyes were closed? In this scene we seem to be embodying Selena, so tell us how she experiences it.

Wink wink wink

Winking implies a different social action than I think you mean here.

inner angels

I'm rather confused by the angels paragraph. Unless they have previously been mentioned, I think they need rather more explanation than they get here; do you mean to introduce them as characters in the story, or are they metaphorical or figments of her imagination?

Consider the edit:

"That boy's good." Taffy playfully giggled, pointing to the boy sitting up front. Selena silently appreciated what she saw.

The boy turned, and his gaze burned her. A rush of noise swirled around in her head.

Selena looked away. Stared at the walls. The room was blue. Serene. Calm. Selena was not. Not at all. She closed her eyes.

Her inner angels echoed in her mind. "You're fucking engaged", they hissed, surprisingly real.

She allowed one eye to open, peeping at her torment.

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