: Re: Is there too much imagery in the intro of this article? I'm writing an article which is part of an IGCSE English question paper. In the paper, you're basically given two passages (or sometimes

@Si5022468

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Everything else aside, if the writing style you use is going to make the piece exceed the maximum length, then I would change your writing style.

The writing style you used to compose this question is succinct but also conveys all necessary information and flows well. It's a remarkably different style from the example that you quoted.

I suspect that when you composed your question you didn't want to use a style similar to the example because you wanted to keep things simple and to the point. So, you abandoned the use of longer adjectives and phrasing in order to just get your point across.

I would recommend using the same style of writing for the article that you used in writing this question. Ideally, it will come in under the maximum length, and it will address all of the content points.

If the problem is that the passages you're borrowing from use such verbiage themselves, then you'll need to paraphrase them in a way that the language is simplified but the essential meaning remains.

If you find that you then have "extra room" to play with, you can consider adding some phrases and changing some words. It's easier to add than it is to remove.

My personal opinion, and not part of my objective answer, is that while I was interested in your question, I wasn't all that interested in the paragraph from your article. And while I'm not going to offer any proofreading advice, I think that some of your grammar suffered in order to accommodate the imagery that you were attempting. Some imagery can be good, but excessive imagery can sometimes be worse than none.

So, keep it simple, see how much room you have to work with, and then "pick and choose" your imagery battles; add some in key places where it makes the most sense, but not in every sentence.

One last piece of advice involves the fact that I'm sure you've had to struggle with several things yourself. Methods that you've used to meet and overcome those struggles can be used analogously for your audience. Overcoming obstacles is at least as much about confidence and perseverance as it is about the specifics of an individual's situation.

Even asking this question on this site is an example of how you're trying to cope with your assignment. Perhaps suggesting that they ask for the help of their colleagues when they need to is a piece of universal wisdom that you could write about . . .

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