: Re: How to improve a scene where the drama is one-sided and not with the POV character? I have a scene I struggle with: it has potential for inherent drama, but it reads as an info dump. In

@LarsenBagley300

Vote Up Vote Down

I think you should keep Brava as the PoV character. I think it's possible to make her conflicted in some way, knowing that she is imparting this information to Alpha.

(Before I get to my answer, it sounds possibly like Brava serves a mentor role through the story, and one of the pitfalls to avoid with the mentor trope is that they can come off as knowing 'too much.' Mentors that know less can be more engaging and interesting. Imagine if Obi Wan did not know how to disable the tractor beam on the death star. It would have been possible to add more conflict to the scenes around Leia's rescue had that been the case.)

My suggestion is two fold.

First, build in (more?) blind spots to Brava.

Identify some crucial information that Brava does not have. Either to do with Alpha's orientation or something else. (Make a list of things she does not know.) Brava knows she is the teacher, and perhaps to admit ignorance to this 14 year old heir that she's not a perfect mentor can provide drama. Play with different sources of ignorance.

Second, identify/build independent reasons why this scene would be hard for Brava.

An obvious possibility is that she too is lesbian but is thwarted because of her societal role to live the life she wants, and it rankles her to teach Alpha about what she herself can't have.

A more interesting conflict for Brava would pull on something else in her relationship with Alpha or Alpha's family. Let's say (for example) that Brava is receiving free sword fighting lessons from some young man that is matched to Alpha. Brava can't afford the lessons and so this is a great deal. If she does anything to jeopardize the plans for Alpha and this man to marry, she may lose that perk. So the drama for her revolves around whether she should she tell Alpha the truth about Alpha's sexuality/etc or try to steer Alpha wrong, so that she can keep getting the free lessons. That's not a developed idea, but you get what I'm driving at here.

--> I think if the scene feels like it is built around Brava's conflict or ignorance, the information that you are 'dumping' on us will not feel like a dump at all.

(0)

Login to post a comment!