: Re: Writing a book that involves an ex husband I'm new to the writing world (other than writing a lot as a child). I want to write my story to help empower women in similar situations but it

@Eichhorn147

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It depends. If you're writing something directly autobiographical, you have practically no choice but to make direct allusions to this ex of yours. However, if you're writing a work of fiction with themes pertaining to your life, you can instead use your ex to draw a lot of inspiration, while maintaining a distinction that allows for both creative interpretation of his character and a nice slip away from defamation lawsuits.

I have several characters I base on people I know, but one character who I've drawn largely negative themes on borrows heavily from my mother, who was neglectful and resented my existence. However, I've made the character (Marissa Gemfire) considerably different from her, instead focusing on the one major theme that I derived from my relationship with her: Neglect.

As such, Marissa Gemfire ignores the protagonist, her youngest daughter, not because she's unfeeling and possibly incapable of love, but because she's simply too hedonistic; she'd much rather sleep with lots of men (my mother was never promiscuous, nor do I consider promiscuity inherently evil, rather, it's her hedonism at the expense of raising a child that's the problem); she makes time for her wants while ignoring her children.

While she does share some traits with my mother, it's largely in her effects on the protagonist; that is, she makes the protagonist feel like a mistake, making her consider her existence resented against by her own mother, meaning she has suicidal ideation from feeling like a burden, etc. Her core personal traits, being care-free, hedonistic, frankly idiotic in her callousness, they're all quite different from my mother. The only core trait I'd say she has shared with my mother is that she's more concerned with appearing to be a good mother than actually being one.

But by and large, they couldn't be more different, yet they explore themes akin to the poor relationship me and my mother had. I always feel like crap just saying 'here's what I did, try that', but honestly, I'd recommend this. Identify the theme, boil down and purify that, then construct a fictional character around that, which shares some of your ex's traits but not all.

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