: Re: Protective, not patronising A character I'm writing about is a girl of 15, daughter of a nobleman, unable to walk due to having contracted Polio when she was 5. Being quite intelligent, she

@Jessie137

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Patronizing, is he forbids her to go. Bring it up (either as a possibility she fears, or by "bad" example of someone else) so that when he doesn't forbid her he seems like a nice guy.

But then Protective sneaks in. He outwardly encourages her to go, but keeps coming up with excuses to delay her trip, or he attempts to convince her that she will need him, up to (and including) sabotaging her ability to leave. This might even include acting like he can't survive without her. It could even be "honest" – an anxiety attack can seem like a heart attack. He could have a real scare, maybe not to milk drama but to show how high the stakes are for him. He is actually making himself ill with worry.

They both amount to the same thing, right? Well, maybe not. In the patronizing version he says his will is law and he doesn't consider her wishes to matter.

But in the protective version he is sending mixed-messages, he is conflicted. When she was born he'd hoped she would be important, but he'd set that aside for so long. Now that it is coming up again, his emotions are complicated. He feels grief for that little girl all over again, and he really is afraid for her (the 5 year old). It isn't rational, and he will also feel ashamed.

The trick is that she understands him well enough to see through it, and she has sympathy for what he's going through. Even though he is acting out against her, she realizes he can't help himself and it isn't out of malice. You can play it for whatever tone you need to keep them friendly or sever the relationship, but they both realize that she has become the adult. They can hug it out, or she can just leave, but either way she's not that child anymore. His role as her father/protector is over. They can build a new relationship, but she can't be that little girl anymore.

There's a scene at the end of Forbidden Planet where Morbius is unconsciously attacking the house with an energy monster because his daughter is planning to leave. The hero tells Morbius he is the cause of the attacks, but Morbius refuses to believe it. Once the daughter realizes the truth she reacts with pity – her line is something like "You poor dear." It's the turning point because Morbius realizes that (A) it's true, and (B) he can't live with her pitying him. After the movie codes him as villain, he is suddenly just a dad. The tone is all wrong for your scene, but there's a nice fatherly emotional conflict in there.

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