: Re: Punctuating dialogue that is interrupted by thoughts/internal monologue rather than action? So I've got a bit: Alta blinked. She pushed on, smiling, “—the argument. When the argument succeeds,

@Speyer920

Vote Up Vote Down

I would put all the em dashes in the quotes, as they indicate a speaker cutting off. And it does make her pause, given that she stops to inhale. In fact, it might be better to lead the quotes in with ellipses, as restarting speech is rarely sudden in the way cutting off is. Lastly, I would set off the narration in its own paragraph, to prevent muddling it with the monologue and emphasize its intrusiveness.
That would make it look like this.

Alta blinked. She pushed on, smiling, “...the argument. When the argument succeeds, which I still don’t fully deem, even after that—it looks to me like you’ve still got to do all the work of ethical theory to understand what kind of god is getting proven. Assuming we’re after a specific god, instead of just any god at all. I know you aren’t interested a specific holy text to import one—"
Alta was suddenly aware in herself of the shivering, empty-stomached quality that comes with an impending psychoactive blurring. But haven’t I limited my intake? What is happening? She inhaled and the momentum of her speech carried her along.
"...and so not only are we locked to virtue, to greatness? If we want to know anything about this deity, we still have to figure the properties to imagine. That’s a lot of value judgements. Mercy seems believable enough. God’s probably of an intrinsically serene enough character that it should be included in our greatest possible being. There’s plenty of those, I guess. The omni’s, love, whatever. But how about sadness? Is sadness composed within the idea of greatness? Is the greatest possible being also the most emotionally distraught, the truest sufferer? Or not even necessarily the most tragedy-befallen, but the most nobly depressed? How about the horniest? So we’ll stick with Zeus and trash the rest.”

It might be worth noting that what she says doesn't really make sense, and several sentences are ungrammatical. For example, the sentence that gets interrupted is, in full

I know you aren’t interested a specific holy text to import one, and so not only are we locked to virtue, to greatness?

which honestly reads like word salad.

(0)

Login to post a comment!