: Re: Are the following passages examples of tense change? Are they allowed in fiction writing? We reached the place a few minutes later, which turned out to be—a record store?

@Alves689

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As is, there aren't any tense changes. As mentioned above, both examples are past tense, fairly common for fiction writing.

Technically, anything is allowed in fiction writing, if you can do it well. What I see you have done is make use of sentence fragments, which are not allowed in essays and formal writing but quite welcome in fiction pieces. I would recommend avoiding caps lock — it gives the impression of yelling, not just surprise or concern.

Here's an example of how I might convey the worry about only a single bed:

The room was tiny but nice. Simple, and with the comfort and coziness of the countryside. Plus it had everything we needed: a closet, a basic table, a bathroom, and... a single bed!? I glanced to see if she had noticed yet, heat rising to my cheeks. I checked the closet for extra blankets — one of us could curl up on the floor — but it was empty.

Notice how the use of ellipses slows down the train of thought as the realization happens. Then I added some action and physical reaction to ground the thoughts — these can be anything that convey how your character(s) feel about the situation without saying it directly (at least at first). People also have differing opinions on usage of exclamation points and question marks, but I find them to be milder than all caps, while still giving the feeling of shock and initial confusion.

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