: Re: Increasing the flow in descriptions of a sequence of events Thomas appeared behind Daniel and shook him by the neck, which brought him down to his knees. Thomas kicked him and then kicked

Welcome to the exchange.

To my way of thinking, you need to expand the sequence out because as it stands you are listing a series of events and symptoms of the characters. There is no reaction, no interplay, no emotion.

Add in a snatch of dialog and some emotional cues, also internal thoughts and a few actions. These things will draw the reader in to engage them.

A quick example:

Thomas appeared behind Daniel and shook him by the neck. Daniel
sputtered, choked, grabbed at Thomas's hands about his throat but
couldn't pry them loose. He was on his knees now, unable to breathe.

"Doesn't feel great, does it?" Thomas said, before kicking Daniel in
the small of the back.

Daniel was losing consciousness, almost welcomed it, the pain was too
intense and a blackout would be better. He saw Thomas kick the gun
away, but Daniel had no strength to grab it anyway. That smile on
Thomas's face. The man was vile, pure evil, the devil incarnate.
Daniel squirmed, using his last bit of strength, pleading with his
eyes.

Thomas let go and Daniel took a long shuddering breath, seeing stars
at the rush of oxygen back to his system. Thomas took a cigar out of
his pocket, lit it and took a puff.

"That's for Beatrice. You don't treat my girls that way, punk."

Daniel couldn't speak, his throat still crushed from the assault, air
rasped through.

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: Re: Increasing the flow in descriptions of a sequence of events Thomas appeared behind Daniel and shook him by the neck, which brought him down to his knees. Thomas kicked him and then kicked

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