: Re: Very long sentences: personal style or just bad writing? I'm writing a story targeted towards children in which the protagonist is a young girl. I find that in writing her dialog and the narrative,

@Frith254

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I rather enjoy the narrative. (Though I venture I would not enjoy the cake!)

Personally, I would split the first and third into two. But I think that is a subjective, style preference, not based on any broken grammar rule.

And once in the kitchen, Antimony devised what she thought would be a very clever recipe for a cake, which she wanted to make for her mother's birthday. Instead of using baking powder, she would use paprika so the cake would be all red and beautiful, and instead of eggs and milk, she would use eggs and orange juice because everyone knows that orange juice goes better with eggs than milk does.

The work was good to focus on to keep her mind off her troubles---especially once she was done gathering the wood and no longer had to wander around so much. And in no time at all she had a small fire going, which turned into a bigger fire, and then an even bigger fire, and then a fire which was a bit too large and she had to poke at the logs with a long stick to move them about the right way so that it would settle down.

Just in case you were curious about how I would split it. Sounds like she's on quite an adventure, good luck!

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