bell notificationshomepageloginNewPostedit profile

Topic : Re: How do we objectively assess if a dialogue sounds unnatural or cringy? By unnatural, I don't mean ungrammatical, but something people wouldn't really say. For example, in many fictions, you find - selfpublishingguru.com

10% popularity

Read it aloud. Flaws are often more apparent when heard - particularly in matters of flow and pacing.

Would Natalia say that? How would Robert answer or would he even bother?

Get inside your character’s head. What would you be feeling, thinking and eventually saying? Would you say anything at all?

Perhaps a glare of astonished hatred would serve and say more with silence than words. Have her think livid thoughts, feel the outrage and loss of control. Be her - then slip inside him and respond.

Would Robert just walk away, his task complete? Might he simply look at her with fond regret, seeing the alterations of which she is as yet unaware.

She woke - almost surprised to as the last thing she remembered was
getting hit, falling. Robert was there, had called for help. Wait -
that blaster hit should have killed her - was killing her. Had it?

She saw Robert, his back to her. He closed his surgical kit and
disposed of four syringes. Wait - red syringe meant bots. God, not
that. She clenched the side of the bed, not noticing the damage to the
rail.

Robert turned, seeing her glare. He noticed the damaged rail and knew
it was a complete success. It would take time for the bots to complete
their work and the prosthetic devices would work as well as her
natural arm had - maybe better. The eye was not a good match to her
natural colour, but she would be operational in a matter of days.

He should avoid her until she adapted to her new life, she would thank
him later. No choice, no time to waste. If she didn’t thank him, at
least she was alive to hate him.


Load Full (0)

Login to follow topic

More posts by @Sue2132873

0 Comments

Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best

Back to top