: Re: Does detail obscure or enhance action? I have two versions of a pivotal scene in my novel (both already written). My SP is a rather impulsive young woman who is learning to be a bit less

@Kaufman555

Use of detail in your descriptions influences the reader's perception of time and urgency. Compare:

The gun is pointed at him. He doesn't see it.
No time. Jumped in front of the bullet.
I was on the ground and bleeding before I registered what I'd done.

vs

The gun is pointed at him. He doesn't see it.
What should I do? Could I take a bullet for him? Do I really care about him that much? Do we have a relationship, or is it all just in my head? Will he remember me?
Does he really care? Should I just let this happen? I think I'll do it. And maybe, if I live through this, things will change between us. Maybe I'll have an answer.

The second example is not terrible. But I'd be more persuaded, more edge-of-my-seat, in the case where she's already taken the bullet, and is trying to figure out why, than the case where she's thinking before it happens. On the other hand, if you want a suspended-in-time sensation, more details will contribute. It honestly depends on what effect you're trying to achieve.

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