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Topic : Re: Critique strategies to help improve someone's writing How can I smooth the transitions in this text? I feel like the POVs are changed quite a lot which makes it fairly confusing for readers - selfpublishingguru.com

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The first thing I would do would be to remove unnecessary words. Without over trimming, try to make the sentences more manageable. For example:

"Even years upon years of numerous failed attempts hadn’t taken away its childlike astonishment. The sheer enormity of the endless void is something her fickle mind cannot even begin to fathom. It just stood awestruck, hands clutching the windows as it beheld the wondrous sight, as though for the first time."

Could be edited to read:

"Years upon years of failed attempts hadn't taken away its child like astonishment. The enormity of the endless void is something her fickle mind cannot begin to fathom. It stood there, awestruck, hands clutching the windows as it beheld the wondrous sight, as though for the first time."

I would also ask the author if there is anything he/she wants you to look out for. As a writer, I am aware of some of my bad habits, so I would ask a beta reader to keep an eye out for those.

After that I would apply everything @Amadeus mentioned.


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