: Is there something "wrong" with my writing? How do I improve it? So I usually use stackexchange as a last resort, but I'm completely stumped. If this question is inappropriate here, I will

You ask two questions.

1) Yes.

2) Ask yourself "What do I know about writing?" and then write down your thoughts. When you're done squeezing that out, research, by yourself, additional things about writing that are objectively true. Now we're going to imagine that's done. Ask yourself "What is good writing, or at least something a person would read voluntarily?" Do not answer from your perspective. If you must, just ask multiple people who are demographically dissimilar. Write down what they say, with your hand.

My personal take, based on the meager info here, is that you're young and you don't read frequently. You may not read deliberately on any occasion. You should.

LESS IS MORE. I'm not sorry for yelling. The most important people on earth are copy editors. They do a lot of things, but one thing they do which writers hate and readers love is they take all the words and sentences out that don't need to be there. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, take something you wrote that you really like, and rewrite it in as few words as possible. Just get to the point, leave out all the stylistic nonsense, because style without good content is objectively terrible. Everything is terrible, you can be less worse.

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Firstly, don't get disheartened. Writing is a skill that takes practice and the more you do it, the better you will get. You may have a longer road that some if your ADHD makes it difficult to concentrate on complete sentences? But even if that's so, don't let that discourage you. It's not a race, you may just take a bit longer to complete a project.

If I were in your shoes, I would take the following approach (forgive the poor writing examples, they are just to illustrate):

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1. DRAFT

Allow yourself the freedom to write terrible first drafts. Almost every writer writes a first draft they wouldn't want anyone else to see. Write your first draft in any way that feels comfortable for you, even if it reads staccato and takes inspiration from screenplays instead of books. Just get your thoughts down, get the scenes written.

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2. CONNECT

Once you have your staccato first draft, connect the sentences with conjunctions. Most writers will do this naturally, but you will have to force yourself in the beginning. Eventually, you may find you do it more often without thinking. For example:

Fire.

Hellfire.

The smell of rot fills the city.

The concrete melts below me and the bodies sink. Six men get up, their
skin charred and black, but they're still determined to fight. Seconds
later, the same six men die right in front of me, peppered with
bullets and cut to ribbons.

I run.

With moments to spare before suffering the same fate, I take cover
under their bodies.

It works.

Only 300 meters to go.

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3. PAD

Most writers have the opposite problem to you. They overstuff sentences with adjectives, adverbs and copious amounts of description that drags on for paragraphs. Their second drafts are usually much shorter than the first. Yours will be the opposite.

You need to take your scenes and pad them with exposition. You need descriptions of the setting and characters. You need to get into the thoughts of your protagonist and describe what he's thinking and feeling. For example:

Fire.

Hellfire.

The skeletons of burned out skyscrapers loom overhead, blocking out
the sun. Smoke spills from glassless windows and the streets are
littered with the still burning contents of office blocks and shops.
The smell of rot fills the city.

Before the war, I walked these streets with a Starbucks in one hand
and the Financial Times in the other. Life was good. If I'd know what
was coming, I would have appreciated it more. In less than a month,
everything was gone.

The concrete melts below me and the bodies sink. Six men get up, their
skin charred and black, but they're still determined to fight. Over the horizon,
the machines come.

'Get down! Get down!' I scream but they don't hear me over the roar of
gunfire. And seconds later, those same six men die right in front of
me, peppered with bullets, cut to ribbons.

I run.

With moments to spare before suffering the same fate, I take cover
under their bodies.

It works.

Only 300 meters to go.

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EDIT

Once you have scenes with connected sentences, balanced with setting, character descriptions, dialogue and exposition, you can set about honing it. Eliminate weak adjectives and adverbs replacing them with strong nouns and verbs. Cut out cliches and write and rewrite until it's perfect.

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Remember that writers who create perfection in a single draft are rare beasts indeed. Many books go through dozens of drafts. Just keep writing, rewriting and practicing. Read as many books as you can in your genre (not screenplays) and study how the bestsellers create scenes. Analyse them sentence by sentence. Look at how they balance dialogue, action, exposition, setting, etc. And read as many books as you can on craft.

It will get easier. You will get better. Just keep doing it.

HTH
Good luck!

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Got to be honest with you. I hate it.

It is choppy. Disjointed. fragmented.

Unless you are describing a first person reaction scene where the hero was just hit by the blast wave of a mortar shell.......

even then you shouldn't sustain it for more than half a page.

from your normal voice post, it is very obvious that you can do much better than that faux artistic style in the writing sample.

As to how you might improve it...

Stop trying to be whatever it is you are trying to be..

Be yourself. Don't force this phony (gritty.. video game) style on yourself... Write ... and let your style develop organically.

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