: Re: Where's the line between confident and upfront and being a jerk? Disclaimer: Also works for guys, if you have the problem, but genderbent. So, in my plots, I typically have a "tough girl" character

@Welton431

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It's often a question of perception. Cultural expectations play a crucial role, because if in the culture the woman must kowtow to a man, then it doesn't matter what she does, if it isn't utter submissiveness, it's disrespectful.

So, first let's define 'confident' and 'arrogant'. Confidence, is knowing one's own value. Not inflated, not deflated. Confidences is knowing your value as it is.

Arrogance, is inflated confidence or simply overconfidence. It's being 'brass' and calling it 'gold'.

With that in mind, the way I tend to write confident characters, is by simple boarder patrol.

This sounds weird, but stay with me. Alright. In all interpersonal interactions, we have an exchange of packets, information. But those packets aren't directly delivered, they are first encoded with personal meaning, and that encoded delivery is then unpacked by the recipient. This is the basic communication model. But here's the thing.

If the encoded message is given in a way that the recipient doesn't appreciate, it's labelled as 'a border breech' in a sense. So let's say you're from a culture where guys touch guys, and that's okay, but if a guy touches a girl, it's a breech. A social faux pas, just simply not done.

All interactions carry this risk, especially when dealing with multi-cultural interactions.

So. What 'upfront & confident' people do, is say: "No. This is a border breech, and I'm not having that. Take a step back and try a different way." No overreaction, no physical altercation, nothing. Just saying, I won't tolerate this, but I'm willing to give you chance to not do it that way.

Upfront arrogant people assume the 'guilty party' did it on purpose and fly off the handle in one sense or another. It's about power; who holds it, who exerts it. They'll insult the person in keeping with the slight they feel was dealt to them.

Then you have the confident people who aren't upfront about it. They'll just walk off. They aren't upset, per se. They just won't tolerate that disrespect, and will not keep the company of those who they feel disrespect them. This can come off as arrogant, but this is simply setting boundaries and not letting anyone cross them. In moderation, this is a healthy thing.

Then you have arrogant people who aren't upfront about it. These are the ones that will smile in your face, and the second you turn your back, they're spreading all kinds of rumours about you. Why? Jealousy? A perceived slight? They're just that much better than you, and you need to learn your place? That's up to you, for your character, but this is how I would approach it.

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