: Re: Need help cleaning up a sentence I'm having trouble with a particular sentence in my book. I had originally written: Monica’s group of friends was a diverse mixture of race, gender, and background.
Readers are either going to completely miss the point, or they are going to be confused about the mismatch.
Some suggestions:
Retain the commercial reference, and drop the "cubs" name.
Retain the name, drop the commercial, and think of a better origin for the name.
Retain both, but add a flashback to the interesting/humorous reason they ended up with a mixed-up name that so obviously doesn't match its origin.
Leaving it as is, isn't going to work so well.
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