: Re: Need help cleaning up a sentence I'm having trouble with a particular sentence in my book. I had originally written: Monica’s group of friends was a diverse mixture of race, gender, and background.

@Frith254

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Answering questions on this site is difficult because most aspiring writers refuse to accept the concepts of subjectivity and style.

I'd go with the simpler text:

Monica’s group of friends was a diverse mixture of race, gender, and background. They had named themselves the Cubs.

Now leave it. Continue to tell your story. Although not particularly strong example, this is how you create suspense in a story.

At some point somebody will ask, "How did you lot end up with a name like the Cubs?"

"Well, we're such diverse bunch people likened us to a United Colours of Benetton ad."

"That doesn't make sense. How do you get from the United Colours of Benetton to Cubs?"

"It's the initials C.U.B." The speaker shrugged. "Okay, so we were like 8 years-old. It was kinda like a dyslexia rules K.O. thing!"

So I'm not on my best comedic form - but you get my drift.

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