: Re: Can I mix one character's dialogue with another's POV in the same paragraph? I'm struggling trying to write a scene (fiction novel). I want to know if it would be confusing to write it this

To answer your question in the title - a hard no. You've piled confusion on confusion. Not only is it formatted in a confusing manner but the wording itself is unnatural.

First, the formatting . . . I can't do it without a rewrite. There's just too much wrong. There are scenes and transitions. Maintaining a single POV within an active scene . . . I've made changes. From line one you have a character shaking his head (no) and beginning a line of dialogue with 'Sure' (yes). Work out why you think I've made them.

Paul yanked away. â€œSure it is, Mike. You left me there . . .â€ He turned and moved toward the window. â€œ. . . With her.â€

Mike sighed. â€œIâ€™m sorry. Things between your mother and me werenâ€™t good, and quite honestly, I wasnâ€™t ready to be a father yet". He crossed the floor, reached out and placed a hand on Paul's shoulder. "We were still kids ourselves."

Paul refused to acknowledge the other's gesture of comfort. He remained, arms folded, staring through the glass at the outside world, looking beyond the horizon, desperately searching for a place, any place, he could be rather be than here and now.

"Paul." Mike tentatively removed his hand. "I can't take back the things I've done."

Load Full (0)

: What is the literary device/technique called where something unusual is presented so it seems natural? This recent question, What is the literary device/technique called where something familiar

@Frith254

Load Full 0 Comments

: In the modern era should literature embrace the lessons from new media and discard some traditional practices? I recently asked a question about my current project for a serialised e-story and

@Frith254

Load Full 1 Comments

: In academic writing why do some recommend to avoid "announcing" the topic? In academic writing, several articles on the topic of writing papers denounce the practice of "announcing" the topic.

@Frith254

Load Full 3 Comments

: Is political correctness a challenge to clarity of communication and characterisation The Ugly Sisters were ugly, everybody knows that, and in visual media they portrayed that way. I'm not going

: Re: Can I mix one character's dialogue with another's POV in the same paragraph? I'm struggling trying to write a scene (fiction novel). I want to know if it would be confusing to write it this

More posts by @Frith254

: What is the literary device/technique called where something unusual is presented so it seems natural? This recent question, What is the literary device/technique called where something familiar

: In the modern era should literature embrace the lessons from new media and discard some traditional practices? I recently asked a question about my current project for a serialised e-story and

: In academic writing why do some recommend to avoid "announcing" the topic? In academic writing, several articles on the topic of writing papers denounce the practice of "announcing" the topic.

: Is political correctness a challenge to clarity of communication and characterisation The Ugly Sisters were ugly, everybody knows that, and in visual media they portrayed that way. I'm not going

Login to post a comment!

0 Comments

Back to top