: Re: Is this excerpt's style too matter-of-fact? I get the feeling that this blurb is too... expositiony, not enough description. Too much "this happened and then this happened and then this happened".

I like it. If there hadn't been the twist, I would definitely have said that it went on too long, with too much telling. The comment I was building was something along the lines of 'instead of having the character anticipate all that, just SHOW us it all happening'. But the "I'm gay" changed everything.

It still wouldn't break my heart to see you trim it a little (just to be sure that your audience makes it to the twist), but I like the way you build the anticipation as it is.

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: I am interested in this in large part because it has not been done. Has anyone thought of a story like this? Actually, it has been done. A LOT of times. Classic fantasy example: R. Zelazny,

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: How can I improve this description which includes actions? This is the beginning of a short story I'm writing (I'm not a native English speaker): I was lying in the dark, looking at

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: How to write a book for a given reading level? I have a son in kindergarten who is interested in reading. He also loves the stores that I tell him each night. These are usually just made

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: When to use the character's name and when to use she/he? This is the first short story where I'm using actual names for the characters. Here is a sample: "Sorry for the question," Jun

: Re: Is this excerpt's style too matter-of-fact? I get the feeling that this blurb is too... expositiony, not enough description. Too much "this happened and then this happened and then this happened".

More posts by @Goswami879

: I am interested in this in large part because it has not been done. Has anyone thought of a story like this? Actually, it has been done. A LOT of times. Classic fantasy example: R. Zelazny,

: How can I improve this description which includes actions? This is the beginning of a short story I'm writing (I'm not a native English speaker): I was lying in the dark, looking at

: How to write a book for a given reading level? I have a son in kindergarten who is interested in reading. He also loves the stores that I tell him each night. These are usually just made

: When to use the character's name and when to use she/he? This is the first short story where I'm using actual names for the characters. Here is a sample: "Sorry for the question," Jun

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