: Re: How do I write LGBTQ+ characters for a romance story, as a non-LGBTQ+ person, without using potentially offensive stereotypes So today, some of my friends challenged me to write a short story
The letters in the acronym LGBTQ+ are all majorly different things. By the description, it looks like the characters are gay or bi (or bicurious, or pansexual), and not lesbian, transgender, intersex, etc.
I suggest beginning with four questions (for both the POV character, and his crush):
Are they "out"?
Whether or not they're "out" affects everything in an LGBTQ+ person's life: what they can do, who they can talk to, what they can say. There's various levels of "outness":
don't tell anyone,
tell only a few close friends,
tell strangers on the Internet (or only at LGBTQ+ events),
be open, but don't really discuss it,
be open, and discuss it with everyone.
(That is, assuming the character has come to accept being gay or bi.)
Can your character even talk to someone about "this guy he likes"? Or does he need to pretend to be straight at all times? Are they even able to go on a date? Would people assume the character is straight?
What does their family think?
Often an LGBTQ+ member of a family is considered shameful (perhaps motivated by the family's religion)---this embarrassment can override any notion of "blood is thicker than water". Family members may take elaborate steps to avoid having their friends from knowing they have an LGBTQ+ relative. The LGBTQ+ person may be excluded from family events, and kept away from children to avoid "confusing" them. Their family members may block them on social media, like Facebook.
Paradoxically, the family members will often declare themselves LGBTQ+ allies, while actively excluding and opposing their own LGBTQ+ family member. They'll typically pick out some thing the LGBTQ+ person did at some point, and use that as a cover story [i.e., it would not be an issue if they weren't LGBTQ+].
Their family's attitude will have a massive impact on...
Do they hate being LGBTQ+?
Many people hate being LGBTQ+, and would choose (or try to choose) not to be. This brings on self-hate, which leads to depression, self-harm, mental illnesses, even suicide. There's a big difference between a character who is comfortable with being LGBTQ+, and one who truly hates this aspect of their life.
The LGBTQ+ person probably has an aversion to being around children, fearing that random people (or overreacting parents) might accuse them of "contamination", or even being a pedophile. It may get worse if they turn to police and security for help, as they often have the same prejudices.
What are their interests other than being LGBTQ+?
Their interests really could be anything.
This ties in with the previous point: if they hate being LGBTQ+, they're probably not going to get involved in LGBTQ+ organizations and attend LGBTQ+ events.
Stereotypes to avoid...
They're LGBTQ+, and therefore sexually promiscuous and have atypical fetishes.
They're LGBTQ+, and therefore an LGBTQ+ activist.
They're LGBTQ+ because of childhood trauma, or their mother was too affectionate, or their father was too distant.
They don't have children; they're incapable of having children; they accept the idea of never having (biological) children.
Their goal in life is to be LGBTQ+, and nothing more.
Trans = gay.
White-majority countries are less hostile to LGBTQ+ people than non-white-majority countries.
All gay men want to look feminine; all lesbians want to look like men.
Bisexual people are incapable of being monogamous.
The second they come out as LGBTQ+, they have their whole future planned out.
Any LGBTQ+ person understands the experience of any other LGBTQ+ person.
However, bear in mind that it's realistic for some people to believe these stereotypes. Also, 1. and 2. certainly exist, but are rather stereotypical.
LGBTQ+ travelers...
Attitudes towards LGBTQ+ people vary majorly from country to country. What you read online is not necessarily realistic in person.
There's also challenges traveling the world as an LGBTQ+ traveler: see e.g. Advice for LGBTI travellers.
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