: Re: Subtle Difference in Sentence Structure "P-P-Potter," stammered Professor Quirrel. He grasped Harry's hand. V.S. "P-P-Potter," stammered Professor Quirrel, grasping Harry's hand. In the first sentence,

The first one is clunky.
The second one is smoother.

Commas are helpful; the first one is harder to read with the period. With a period you pause, whereas a comma is like a divider. For example: "I hate apples, so I toss the apple in the trash." The part "I hate apples" is like a thought and "I toss the apple in the trash" is an action.

You don't get the same thing with a period. "I hate apples. I toss the apple in the trash." Sure it's good but you can always do better.

If you read your story and you have to pause and reread a sentence then you did something wrong. You never want a reader to have to reread a sentence; it ruins the mood that you set in your story.

Hope this helps! :)

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: Re: Subtle Difference in Sentence Structure "P-P-Potter," stammered Professor Quirrel. He grasped Harry's hand. V.S. "P-P-Potter," stammered Professor Quirrel, grasping Harry's hand. In the first sentence,

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: How can you insert more emotions in scenes? I have a scene where my character has to feel scared, sad and alone. I'm good at describing her surrounding but describing feeling are a bit harder

: I've just found that my character has similar characteristics to another with the same name I have been developing a story for some months based upon a fictional character that i thought I

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