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The metaphor has two basic purposes: convey the meaning of the 'plain' expression you replace, and enhance it, adding the emotional associations connected to the expression used instead. And you can basically fail in three ways - at either of these parts, or at their point of connection.
The first failure is a frequent one, where the metaphor is too distant and the reader simply fails to make the connection. The metaphor won't be understood, or will be misread as something else than intended, the original meaning completely lost. Avoiding this is quite difficult as, being the person who thought up the metaphor in the first place, you lack the perspective of reader not knowing the connection a'priori. In this case it's good to ask someone for feedback. "I am seeing bright stars in your heart" - hope? longing? joy? If the association of feelings matches your intent perfectly but you're not sure if the connection is clear, use a simile instead.
The second failure is when you don't notice certain associations. The expression may be corny, or evoke other feelings than desired. "I am dancing in your heart" may signify causing joy, but my first impression was reckless tap-dancing, you trampling that person's heart in your oblivious happiness, causing pain. Too non-specific expression used for the metaphor is bound to cause this kind of problems.
Then there's third, where the wording of the metaphor as standalone is fine, but there exists an unintended, unnoticed straightforward connection between it and the surrounding text, so that reading the metaphor as plain text, not a metaphor, logically connects with the surrounding text leading to a completely unintended, comical or disturbing effect. "Delicious tears" is a clear metaphor for schadenfreude. But "Delicious aching heart" is straightforward cannibalism.
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