: Re: Paragraph flow, verb inversion and last sentence tone The paragraph below is a conclusion for an essay. I have three problems with the paragraph that I would like to review with you. This
A couple of the other answers made me look at your paragraph again. I can't tell for sure which end of the bullying "you" were on (if it is actually about you).
I deduce that you were bullied, but, especially in a conclusion, the reader shouldn't have to deduce anything. It should be laid out as a summation of what has already been presented, or reinforce your main conclusions in some other way.
"bullying conflict" and "bullying experience" sound like you're still distancing yourself from the experience by abstraction (which may be valid if the issues remain unresolved). But these terms are the place to put the "punch", no pun intended, of real experience/emotion to give your conclusion more impact and give the readers something they can identify with. "The intimidation I suffered", "The terror and dehumanization", "powerlessness" - or if you were on the other side, the "hardening", "destructive self-image", "devaluing of life", "consuming anger", "shutting down".
I may have gone a little too far if this is supposed to be a more formal, "objective" essay, but having been subjected to a lot of bullying and teasing myself, it hits home.
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