: Re: Does this beginning hook the reader? Guide lines Q no. 4: This is supposed to be the opening part, but certainly not the whole of the first chapter or page for that matter... I'm not exactly

@Ravi5107385

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In addition to what others have noted (as always, just my opinion, use it or ignore it):

It didn't grab me, either.

Quoting the television is good for an info dump, but I don't feel it works as an opening. I find it too factual and boring. I can see you've tried to introduce an air of mystery by withholding information (recovering from what, how have they been punished, why won't scientists talk, governments buying time for what purpose etc.), but I'm not sure that really works here. What would work is if there's conflict, emotion and character, but these are all lacking. Besides which, they're not overly concerned listening to the news report that you started with, so why should the reader?

"Tana said and went for the HUD on the nearest wall; no voice command in hospitals." Why the explanation of no voice command in hospitals? It's completely out of place. And why did she go to the HUD? To turn it off? And why the one on the nearest wall? Are there more than one? Also, be sure that HUD is a commonly known abbreviation for your audience.

If you use a name, stick to it. You switch from "Tana said" to "his mother" without there being a conclusive link in the reader's mind that they're one in the same. This is a tactic some writers use to introduce more information about people, but it rarely works. You're better off letting your characters reveal this information, and stick to using Tana. For example, Adam could say, "Just leave it, mother."

You do the same with "Elie" and "the same reporter" - are they all one and the same? I suspect they are, but it's certainly not clear. Stick to using Elie. We already know she's a reporter, because she's reporting on TV.

Setting is an issue: we only know its a hospital because you told us it was a hospital.

Lastly, there is a complete lack of Point of View character, which makes the piece almost completely unemotional and flat. Perhaps that's what you were going for, but I suspect you wanted Adam to be the PoV character.

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