: Re: How do I write someone in pain? I am going over my writing and found that all of my scenes where my main character is in physical pain are dull. There is one scene in particular, when she

@Miguel976

Vote Up Vote Down

Your extract is a good attempt - you use a simile ("felt like my body was on fire"), and you give a general sense of how the character is feeling. Go further!
If it's pure agony, let the reader feel every inch of skin, every internal organ. You've used the word "raw"', which is an evocative word. Use more! Searing. Writhing. Wrenching. Use more imagery, like your "fire" simile. Add more specific details until we can almost feel the pain ourselves.
There are two other issues making this extract feel a little flat...

You use the phrase "I felt" a few times. This means that you're telling the reader how the character feels rather than showing, and this robs the extract of power. As a challenge, try to write about the feelings without saying "I felt". Instead, start sentences with phrases such as, "The searing screamed through my veins like..." You might be surprised what a difference it makes.

Your sentences are very short - which can be great for this kind of scene - but too many consecutive short sentences can leave the scene feeling monotonous. Read it aloud. You might notice how each sentence starts and abruptly stops. That's not how pain feels, is it? Pain grinds on and on, making us wish it would stop. Try a long sentence that meanders and pounds away, making the reader feel eager to finish it.

Depending on the story and genre, another element you may want to add is emotion. Agony can often evoke memories and regrets, creating a whole new dimension to the scene and expanding your character.
And don't forget to re-read your favourite books, finding the scenes where a character is in intense pain. You might take some inspiration.

(0)

Login to post a comment!